Healing Hurt
by dantesdarkqueen
Summary: Small collection of Heather's thoughts before and after her return to Dante and Vergil. Various times during My Angel. Angsty.
1. The Pain

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Devil May Cry. Can't sue me! (MC Hammer tune: Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo! Can't sue me! Doo doo doo doo...)

**Summary**: Follow-up of sorts to "Abandoned." Takes place before and after Heather returns to her home, and Dante and Vergil. Her thoughts, basically, concerning what she has done to support her children.

**To the People Who Hated "My Angel" and Are Currently Reading This**: Thanks for giving me the inspiration to write this. This one's dedicated to you!

The Hurting

_Pain._

_I know it so well now._

_I know they still don't understand why I ran away. I do not understand it myself. All I know is that I had to get away. I had to put some space between myself and the men I love. Yes, men. I love both of them, the elder and the younger. _

_How did it come to this?_

_All I wanted from them, and they from me, was sex. I did not think that it would ever progress beyond that. When did their hearts and mine become involved in this relationship? True, when first I met them the idea of spending the rest of my life with one of them crossed my mind. But never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined them fighting over one such as I! I am not beautiful, I am not skinny with big breasts; men such as they do not fall for females like me. I supposed I should consider myself lucky, but right now, when my heart is torn between them, I feel only anguish. _

_I cannot choose between them! They are both exactly what I have always desired in a man!_

_I feel the solid kicks within my womb. My children (yes, there are two of them. I have felt the twin heartbeats beneath my hand) are rebuking me, telling me not to question my decision to run. _

_How long has it been? Six months? Seven?_

_I have lost count. _

_Within months, I shall be a mother. Who the father is, I do not know. The money I have scraped together, saved from begging on the streets and odd jobs I have completed in various cities, will help me figure out their parentage. Perhaps God will relieve me of my choice, and I can build a life with the father of my children. _

_But what would that do to the other twin?_

_I do not wish to think about that. _

_I could not bear to hurt them any more than I already have._

_I would rather die than see them hurt any more. _

_My fingers curl protectively against my bulging belly, hiding my children from the gazes of those I share this haven with. They are a rough folk, used to life on the streets. A teenager, no more than sixteen by the looks of him, huddles beside one of the supports, staring out at the rain sheeting through the cold night. A drunk, passed out from guzzling the liquor he holds in his hand, snores alongside the river. He is so close to the concrete bank that he will fall into the rushing water if he moves even an inch to the side. A woman stands before the metal can in which we have built a fire, rubbing her hands together and watching me with curious brown eyes. She has been following me for the past three days, as if she knew that I have been suffering false labor pains in the mornings. It worries me; does she know something about my children that I do not? _

_Oh God…_

_If anything were to happen to my babies…_

_Pain…_

_I cannot stifle the cry. It tears from my throat, draws the gaze of the teenager from the rain to stare at me. A burning agony, the likes of which I have never experienced, rips across my belly. Whatever this is, it is far worse than any of the pains I have been suffering of late. Worse than the pain that has enveloped my heart ever since that morning after I first had sex with Vergil in an alley, and awoke beside Dante in my own bed the next morning, when I realized the full extent of my feelings for him and his twin._

_It couldn't be… _

_It is far too early…_

_The woman approaches me, concern knitting her eyebrows. She asks me if I am in labor, and I tell her that I do not know. With all of the false labors I have been experiencing lately, can I honestly tell if this is true childbirth?_

_A sudden deluge from between my legs reveals the truth. _

_The woman helps me up without a word, and takes me to rest on her coat beside the garbage-can fire. The teenager watches with interest for a while, and then she beckons him to her. She tells him that I will soon have a baby, and that I will need his help. When he refuses, she offers him something; I do not see what it is. Whatever the object passed between them is, it is enough to convince him to help her, to help _me

_What follows is a myriad of lurid, incomplete notions and strange images. I see the woman kneeling between my bent legs, concentration etched upon her weathered features, her arms outstretched as if to catch something. The teenager supporting me against his legs and chest, helping me to sit upright. Burning agony, a slippery, tearing sensation. The protesting squalls of a newborn as it is forced from the warmth of its home into this cold, strange world of oversized people by the powerful muscles of the female who nurtured it for so long within her body. The woman exclaiming her surprise as a second baby follows. The rending sound fabric makes as it is torn, used to make blankets for freezing infants. _

_The welcome relief of rest as I lay propped against the wall, my babies snuggled tight against the warmth of my body, all three of us drifting slowly into sleep. _

_I have been in unimaginable pain this night, but it is soon surpassed by love and warmth, security._

_Will the ache in my heart be assuaged in this manner? _

_I pray that I can survive the choice, the decision between the men I love, as I have survived the age-old ordeal of childbirth. _

_But until I return to Dante and Vergil, until I can sort out my own thoughts and emotions, I must survive, for myself and for my children. _

_A chill overtakes me as they begin to nurse, and I feel as if I am soon to be sick. I am both warm and cold, a fever for certain. _

_Images dance through my head, and I am struck by something. _

_They are just 'my babies.' They do not have names._

_A boy and a girl. The boy was first._

_They need proper names. _

_Michael, for the boy. Named for the archangel who defeated Satan, as I hope he will someday defeat the devil within him. He will need the strength of his namesake, if he is to conquer the otherworldly being that sleeps inside his soul. His father, whichever one he is, managed to do it; with any sort of luck, this boy will do the same, when his devil awakens. _

_And for the girl…_

_I always wanted a daughter named Angela, but that does not seem right, somehow. Their grandmother, Dante and Vergil's mother, was named Eva. I should name her for that woman, the woman who dared to love a devil._

_As I have. _

_A combination, perhaps. _

_Aeva…_

_Michael and Aeva. _

_Yes. The names fit. _

_I hold my children close as they drink of the immunities in my milk, gaining the sustenance offered by my body, as I begin to shake with fever. _

_Dante… Vergil…_

_Forgive me…_


	2. The Abyss

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Devil May Cry. Can't sue me!

**Summary**: Follow-up of sorts to "Abandoned." Takes place before and after Heather returns to her home, and Dante and Vergil. Her thoughts, basically, concerning what she has done to support her children.

**To the People Who Hated "My Angel" and Are Currently Reading This**: Thanks for giving me the inspiration to write this. This one's dedicated to you!

The Abyss

_He's dead._

_What have I done?_

_I'm kneeling beside his bed, staring at my hands. They are covered with cuts and blood, mine and his. Just like my arms. He's lying on the mattress, his own knife buried in his neck. His face reflects shock and pain, the all-consuming terror of death._

_As mine would, had he succeeded and I failed._

_This man was one of my clients, a man who hired me for a round of meaningless, no-strings-attached sex. But he paid me extra to enact a fantasy of his, and while I was not told the specifics of this fantasy, he paid me so much more than my usual fee for this fantasy that I did not question it. The total sum of this job could pay for enough food to last a week, and new winter clothes for the twins as well. _

_But the fantasy…_

_He raped me, and then he tried to kill me. _

_He slashed at me with a switchblade, cutting open my arms in a swathe of crisscrossing crimson tears. I think he wanted to slice the bones apart, and get at my face, my neck, my heart. I tried to defend myself, but years on the streets do take their toll; I lacked the strength to get him off me, to flee. And where would I have run anyway? I am a street whore, and that means that I am anybody's meat. No one would have aided me, for fear of drawing attention to themselves. _

_The look on his face while he sliced apart my flesh…_

_I've never been so scared in my life._

_I have to hide the body, somehow. If he were to be found, it would mean death for my children. There is not a jury in the world that would believe that I acted not only in defense of myself, but also in defense of my children. When he attacked me, when I saw the look on his face, I knew that he would not stop. If I died, Michael and Aeva would die. They are only three years old. They cannot survive without me, despite the strength of their demon blood. _

_And if I was to survive, if _they_ were to survive, then this man had to die. _

_I do not remember…exactly what happened. But whatever it is that I did, it ended with his windpipe impaled upon his own switchblade. _

_My children shall live for another day. _

_That is all that truly matters. _

_But if that were true…_

_Then why are tears streaming down my face, mingling in the blood drying on my arms?_

_I never thought I would have to sink to this level, to kill in order to survive. But it was so much easier that I would have believed. All thought fled, all sense of humanity seemed to dissipate, and I was left with the instinct to kill. I struck without thinking, that much I recall. I became…_

_An animal…_

_To steal a life away, as he would have stolen mine, and my childrens'…_

_God, what has happened to me?_

_I am unclean, my hands are stained with blood. It is not innocent blood, but blood nonetheless. I can't…_

_I can't go home…_

_I had thought to return to my ancestral home, the house I shared with Dante and Vergil, with Zak, Reece, and Kellian. To introduce them to their offspring, the four children in two bodies they sired upon me. I had hoped to start over with a clean slate, to put the pain of my departure behind us and try to begin anew._

_But that is impossible now._

_I have taken a life. _

_I am unclean, an abomination._

_I am unfit to be Dante's 'babe', or Vergil's 'angel'._

_How can I go home now?_

_The tears are running faster now, and sobs are choking me, bubbling up from the depths of my chest in an unstoppable river of pain and despair. I fall back on my ass, and draw my knees up against my chest, burying my face against their bony solace. So much easier to accomplish now, when malnutrition has stripped me of most of my weight. My hair, slick with grease and splattered blood, falls to shroud the room from view, a dark curtain to hide my shame. It is getting late; my children need me. They know to hide in the old, dilapidated building we currently call home without a sound, but their patience can only last so long. I have to return to them, and pretend that nothing has happened. _

_But something _has_ happened. I've taken a man's life, and lost what innocence I had left after three years of prostitution. _

_In one instant, I've relinquished whatever claim I had to the hearts of Dante and Vergil. How could they love one such as I, after what I have done? This was not a demon; this was a human being! In Dante's eyes, at least, that makes me a monster. _

_And for Vergil…_

_Oh God…_

_He would have abandoned me long before now, if he knew what I have been doing to support my children, his daughter and his brother's son, and the twins they absorbed in the confines of my womb. _

_The sun has set now. I must act now, or never move at all._

_I gather up my clothing with trembling hands, wash the blood from my limbs in the tiny bathroom. The hot water stings the cuts, but that agony is nothing compared to the mental anguish I suffer. Once dressed, I ponder exactly what to do with this man, this evidence of my shame. I cannot carry him away, as I once could. Poor nutrition has robbed me of my former strength. My eyes go to the window. _

_Perhaps…?_

_No, he is too heavy._

_In the end, I leave him where he lies, positioned to make it seem as if he died at his own hand. I even wrote a suicide note, mimicking his handwriting from a scattering of notes and checks that I discovered around the room. Although it was difficult, nay, heart-wrenching, I left behind some money in his wallet so it would look as if nothing was disturbed. The money he paid me for my services, and a little extra, was all that I took from him. It was a simple matter to leave unnoticed._

_No one notices anything that doesn't pertain to them on the streets. _

_My children are exactly where I left them, thank God. Their eyes display profound relief at my return, and their thin arms encircle my neck with strength abnormal for three-year-olds. Half-devils they are, but they are still children. They were afraid, as always, that I would not come back. _

_If I can help it, they will never, ever know how close that fear came to reality this night. _

_Once they have eaten the meager dinner of roadside hotdogs I purchased, they snuggle up to me in the depths of the enormous wooden crate we have dubbed our bedroom. This is a position very familiar to us; for the entirety of their lives, we have slept like this. Curled tight against my body, my arms encircling them as a reassurance of my presence, a cloak of safety. They are still innocent enough to believe that I, their mother, will keep them safe from anything that threatens them. Soon enough, their breathing deepens and slows, and they find their sleep with little trouble._

_But Morpheus eludes me this night. My mind swirls with memories of the men I love, and the horror I committed this night._

_This is the only safety Michael and Aeva shall ever know. _

_We can never go home. _


	3. The Holding

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Devil May Cry. Can't sue me! (MC Hammer tune: Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo! Can't sue me! Doo doo doo doo...)

**Summary**: Follow-up of sorts to "Abandoned." Takes place before and after Heather returns to her home, and Dante and Vergil. Her thoughts, basically, concerning what she has done to support her children.

**To the People Who Hated "My Angel" and Are Currently Reading This**: Thanks for giving me the inspiration to write this. This one's dedicated to you!

The Holding

_So here I am._

_Home again, back in the arms of Dante and Vergil, the men I love._

_They lay to either side of me on the couch-bed, their heads pillowed on their arms as they rest on their sides facing me. My hands are clasped tightly within their own. They are deeply asleep_.

_I have told them everything, every last sordid detail. The prostitution, the self-defense killings, the rapes…_

_And yet, they did not react as I had feared they would for so long._

_They say that it is _their_ fault I left them, that all I have done since that fight five years ago was because they couldn't control their dominant-male tendencies. Because they couldn't share me, or the life within my womb._

_They reached a truce while I was gone. If it means keeping me, they will be civil to each other. The very fact that they are both next to me right now, and haven't said an unkind word or even thrown a glare at each other since I returned says that they are making an effort. They don't want me to abandon them again._

_Why do they believe I am worth so much?_

_I betrayed them with so many men. My body has been defiled by uncaring males, my hands stained with blood. The only things I _haven't _done are to get pregnant or to catch a sexually transmitted disease. _

_Why haven't they turned from me, in revulsion, in anger?_

_Is it because I have given them children?_

_Perhaps._

_Or perhaps not. They were more than a little stunned when I told them Michael and Aeva's parentage. I am certain that the possibility of double Chimera Syndrome never occurred to them. Hell, it never occurred to _me_ that four twin embryos, sired by two different men, could possibly have shared my womb at the time of their conception, let alone that two of the twins could have absorbed the other's twin sibling, making two half-demons out of four quarter-demons. So that couldn't be why my men haven't left me, as I left them. _

_Reece said they had nearly gone mad with worry. Were they concerned only for what they believed to be the single child within my womb?_

_Or could it have been…_

_They were afraid for me?_

_When Vergil caught me upstairs in my towel, I was more concerned with my own pain and shame rather than anything he might have been feeling. But looking back now, I can see the agony in his azure eyes, the tension in his perfect body. He had such sorrow in his voice. The way he asked his question – "Why did you leave me, angel?" – was almost childlike, helpless. I had hurt him, something I didn't believe to be possible. _

_They way they are laying now, my slender form cradled between the twin heats of their bodies… It speaks in volumes unheard._

_Vergil calls me his 'angel'. _

_Dante refers to me as his 'babe.' _

_I watch over them, and they take care of me._

_I have broken my half of the unspoken bargain, but they will keep theirs._

_Is it true?_

_Have I accomplished what most women would give up everything to have a chance at?_

_By my actions, all the pain I caused them and myself, have I claimed their hearts, their love?_

_Do I even what their love?_

_My fingers tighten convulsively on theirs. _

_More than anything else, all I've ever wanted is to be loved._

_How did I ever get so lucky?_

_I have beautiful, healthy children, and I have the two most sought-after bachelors in the city agreeing to share me as their mate. What woman could ask for more?_

_But I still do not feel worthy of all this. The wounds incurred on the streets are still open, still raw and bleeding; pieces of my soul are gone, bartered away so my children and I could survive in that unforgiving environment. I am a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing._

_Can I ever be put back together again?_

_I make a small noise in my throat; Dante, still asleep, removes his hand from mine and pulls me securely against his body, nuzzling my hair and the back of my neck in a soothing gesture. Vergil still holds tightly to my hand, even scoots closer to my new position whilst mired in his dreams. He does not wish to let me go again, even in his sleep._

_Through weeks of sharing their beds, I have discovered that they sometimes talk in their sleep. Dante in particular will speak while dreaming. Moreso when he suffers his nightmares – oh, God. He's been suffering those while I was gone, hasn't he? And I was not here to comfort him! – and spills details of the attack that stole his mother and twin brother away from him all those years ago. It is possible to hold an entire conversation with him while he's asleep, and Vergil is capable of this as well._

_I have to know. This is the most effective way of answering my questions._

"_Why do you accept Heather back? What is she to you, that you can forgive her all that she has done to you, to herself?" I ask them in a quiet voice. This is a private moment; I do not wish for them to awaken just now._

"_Love her." The answer comes from two throats, almost at the same time. _

"_Why do you love her?" My voice is softer than anything I have ever heard or touched before, to cover my emotions. They cannot lie while they sleep, so I know they speak truth._

"_Saved me. Makes me happy." Vergil pulls my hand against his steely chest, against his heart. It beats thickly, reassuringly, beneath my hand. That organ, and the one thumping against my back, are mine and mine alone. I can hardly believe it to be true, so unbelievable is this scenario._

"_Trusts me. Loves me." Dante's arm curls tighter around my body, as if he is afraid I will fling it off and stalk away into the night, leaving him alone once more. I asked him before, five years ago, to never abandon me; how could I do the same twice, when it caused all of us so much pain and anguish?_

_There is nothing I can say to refute those answers. What Vergil means by 'Saved me' I have no idea. But the rest of it, and Dante's answers, are more than enough. I require no more proof of their feelings for me than this. _

_I may never be complete again, but I have my answers._

_No matter how much I have lost of myself, I have their love, their forgiveness._

_That is more than I could have ever hoped for. _


	4. The Healing

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Devil May Cry. Can't sue me! (MC Hammer tune: Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo! Can't sue me! Doo doo doo doo...)

**Summary**: Follow-up of sorts to "Abandoned." Takes place before and after Heather returns to her home, and Dante and Vergil. Her thoughts, basically, concerning what she has done to support her children.

**To the People Who Hated "My Angel" and Are Currently Reading This**: Thanks for giving me the inspiration to write this. This one's dedicated to you!

The Healing

_Weeks have passed since I returned. Days of pain, nights of anguish. _

_But through it all, they have been with me. Helping me to get through my pain. I no longer flinch from their touch, and I can stand the concept of being with them once more. I feel as if I can trust again. _

_Kellian has moved out of the house at my request, and gotten an apartment closer to Devil May Cry. He reminded me too much of most of my clients. Zak is still living in the basement, and Reece has remained as well. But we all know that this is a temporary arrangement. Plans have been made. _

_I look down at the rings on my fingers. A silver one with a ruby setting, and a golden circlet with a sapphire of deepest blue. Engagement rings they gave me just hours ago. They have told me that they will stay faithful to me, admitted aloud the emotions I already knew they held for me, and promised that once this is all behind us we can have a life together. _

_Together..._

_Such a beautiful word. _

_I know the true meaning of loneliness now. Even whilst I had my children with me, I was totally alone. No one to talk to, no one to share the burdens I carried. Michael and Aeva were of great comfort, that's true, but I couldn't tell them everything. All they knew was that they had to hide all night in warehouses or abandoned buildings, and for most of the day as well. Their mommy had a job to do, but they didn't know what it was. I never told them because I didn't want to influence their young minds. I was ashamed of my actions then as I am now. How many women would willingly do the things I have done to provide for my children, to protect them? How many of them would simply have given up and gone back? I keep those five years of my life a secret, because I do not want to be condemned for something I had to do. _

_Standing in their doorway now, I feel at peace. My little ones have gotten accustomed to life here with their fathers, and no longer do they sneak into my room at night because they cannot sleep. They still feel the need to share a bed, however; this night Aeva has crawled into Michael's, and they are deeply immersed in their dreams, holding tightly to each other for security. Aeva has brought Charlie with her, and the stuffed lion is held in her free arm. The other is wrapped tightly around her twin. _

_I smile, remembering how she got that toy. It had been Vergil's, so I am told, when he was a boy. After the attack on their family, when he thought his older brother was dead, Dante took the stuffed toy with him as a memento, because it had belonged to his twin for so long. On their nestlings' birthday two months ago (the first holiday of any sort we have celebrated as a family), Dante gave Charlie to Aeva, telling her that it had been her father's. Vergil was stunned to learn that Dante had kept it, but Aeva was thrilled. It has become her favorite toy, and a kind of cuddle-animal at night. There are some nights when she snuggles up with Charlie rather than Michael._

_I believe this is a sign that the damage from the streets is healing. They can both stand to be alone now, albeit for only a few hours at a time. When first we came home, the twins would howl and scream and cry if left alone for any space of time. They had to have someone with them, even if it wasn't their sibling. The fear of being alone was a deeply ingrained one, but it has begun to go away. It will be some time before they can be left alone in the house, of course, but hopefully soon they will be able to be put in separate rooms. If they don't need them now, they will need them later. Sooner or later, they will have to have separate bedrooms. _

_I walk over to the bed and stare down at my children. In sleep, they appear as little angels, beautiful and innocent. Their fathers look like this sometimes, when their faces are unguarded in their dreams. They appear so much younger than they truly are. As if I must protect them. _

_And I will. That is my duty, as mother to their children, their nestlings, and as their lover. I will keep them safe, as much as I can. _

_Which means keeping their hearts safe as well. Favoritism is still unallowed; they are getting better about sharing me, but if I somehow give signs that I favor one over the other, the other twin will get jealous, no matter how unintentional it may have been. They both have a way of dealing with this. Vergil keeps a punching bag in the basement with his weights, and when he gets angry about something these days he goes down and beats the bag until he feels better. I think he's already gone through three of those sand-filled bags. Dante goes to a shooting range out in the woods; sometimes he stays out there for the entire day if he gets mad enough. _

_Anger management without hurting each other. What a concept. _

_As for me, I throw eggs. _

_Seriously. _

_On the occasion when they both get riled up to the point that they feel they must beat each other black and blue (and more often than not that list also includes the color red), I go into the backyard with at least two cartons of eggs and throw them at a target. The target gets hosed down after each round so flies aren't a problem, but that doesn't matter to me in the heat of the moment. I swear they'd kill me if they knew, but when I go to throw the eggs I envision the target to be one of their heads. I get a bull's eye every single time. _

_But things are getting better. I feel almost... _whole_ again. Once before I said that I felt like a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing. Now, through long weeks and months of time spent with the men I love, I feel as if the pieces are back. I don't know how, but they've managed to put me back together, filling in the missing pieces of my soul as if they had never been gone. _

_A miracle. _

_Michael stirs in his sleep, whimpering softly; I lay a soft hand on his head to calm him. My fingers stroking through his snowy hair soothes him, and he returns to his dreams. There is no reaction from Aeva, but I know she has felt her twin's distress. Like most twins, they share a mental connection. What one feels, physically or emotionally, the other will feel. It's admittedly a little disturbing at times, but I've learned to deal with it. _

_I hear footsteps behind me, and then warm hands close about my upper arms. I wonder if it is Dante or Vergil. _

_He whispers for me to come to bed, and uses the nickname 'babe.' This is Dante behind me now. From the tone of his voice, I know he wants more than to sleep. _

_I can do this for him. Yesterday, after all, I had sex with Vergil in his work-out room in the basement while Dante was out on a mission. I should have known that Dante would sense his twin's pleasure; their mental connection has returned after being sundered so many years ago (yet another loss in the same attack that stole their mother from them). I wonder how long he stayed at his shooting range last night. I didn't hear him come in. _

_But then again, I spent the entire night in the basement. I wouldn't have heard him anyway. _

_I give my children a single small smile, and turn to kiss the younger brother. I make sure to brush my hips against his, a signal as old as time itself that says I am ready to have sex with him. He grins, and leads me from my children's room with a pulling hand, eager to even the score with his brother. So competitive they are, but even while it sometimes aggravates me to no end, I love that about them. After all, I am often the one who reaps the benefits of their competitions. And they take such good care of me._

_So much was lost, but so much was gained. _

_I don't know how they convinced me, but once again I feel like Dante's babe, Vergil's angel. _

_I feel worthy of them. _

_I am healed. _


End file.
